Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
