going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize