this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
