so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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