I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
