You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
