You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
smell my finger.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
