She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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