i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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