When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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