Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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