Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
