i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
