the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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