I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she told me i tasted like america
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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