Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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