how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
