Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
