Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
