I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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