i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
