Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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