mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize