That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
barbara walters just said penis...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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