Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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