My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
