my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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