It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
