Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
