Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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