Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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