I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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