He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize