After last night, I could never be a politician.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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