Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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