dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
