I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize