my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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