I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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