I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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