Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
