can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
40s are totally the cure
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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