found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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