OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
