Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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