I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
