I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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