the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
