Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
