I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
