sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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