omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
