It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
