it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
