I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
