I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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