I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
