apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
