the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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