Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
