If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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