i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
